Good Grief

I think I've said this before, but as a medical professional I really don't understand how Phoebe can be so fat. She eats practically nothing. She doesn't even eat it all - she leaves crumbs in the bottom of the bowl that she refuses to eat! Crumbs!

Her obesity probably has something to do with the fat that she does this. All day.

Pa.The.Tic

Seriously, she sits in the office in her "donut" all day. She only comes out to get a drink, poop, or nibble on her kibbles.

Here is a typical day for the Phoebe cat. Due to her "singing" habits she gets to sleep the night on our enclosed porch, she first asks to come inside whenever I get up with Ian and lay down with him on the couch (this can be 1am or 5 am), I ignore this request. At 7 am I get up and take Ian into the nursery to get him ready for the day. Phoebe is now actively pleading to come in the house, but I ignore her until I have Ian diapered and dressed. We go and let Phoebe in. She comes into our living room through the window seen here.

Can you make out the glow of her creepy eyes?

This window is covered in nose prints and cat hair.

As she rockets through the window she meows loudly and takes off for her food dish. I suspect that she is cussing us. Ian tries to grab her tail as she flies by.

Ian and I calmly walk to her dish. She meets us halfway there and escorts us the remainder of the 10 feet. You know, in case we forget where it is.

I pour 1/4 cup of kibble in the dish. She impatiently dives in, eats for approximately 10 seconds, then walks off.

Said bowl. Filled with unacceptable crumbs.

 The only time she eats for more than 10 seconds at a time are when she gets a can of wet food (only offered on major holidays). On those occasions she spends 10 minutes at thee dish, leaves no evidence that there was ever any food there, and then tries to convince us that she needs more.

Over the next 2 hours she drives me absolutely crazy by asking to go in and out through the window onto the porch approximately 20 times. Seriously, I let her out there and within 60 seconds she's asking to be let right back in.

Let me in you silly human!!!!

She even has both my mother and mother-in-law (who take turns watching Ian while I'm at work) trained to let her in and out.

Why does she want in and out so much? No clue folks, but she does prefer the litter box and water dish that are on the porch for some reason unbeknownst to me.

Next, if it's winter, she migrates to the heating vents on the floor. She lays her entire self on top of them, blocking out the heat for the rest of us.

Heating vent in our hallway. Note that her wide rear covers one entire end of the vent.

We had to block off the heating vent pictured below because she was turning it off. I'm honestly a little sad we had to do that because it was funny watching her wedge herself under the shelf. She had to kind of shimmy herself in.

She is yawning in this picture. Classic.

From here she goes to the office "donut" and remains until around 4pm, at which point she starts the 2 hour long act of begging for dinner. This involves staring at me intently for the entire 2 hour period, and if I make a move in the direction of the food dish, she meows excitedly and runs towards it. Again, this drives me bonkers. I hate being stared at.

Time changes are not Phoebes friend.

At around 6, I say the magic phrase that she has been waiting for for several hours. 'Phoebe, you want din-din?' This is followed by a very loud yowl and running full speed towards the dish. We repeat the morning procedure - 1/4 C in the dish, she eats for 10 seconds, then leaves. Sometimes she doesn't eat at all. She just looks at the dish and leaves, saving it for later. This one really has me perplexed.

After dinner she returns to her "donut" for another nap. Until J gets in the shower. She is obsessed with J after he gets out of the shower. She wants to sit on his chest while he is still warm, making biscuits/kneading with her sharp, sharp talons. I'm not kidding about this. She has become so obsessed with this routine that she waits at the bathroom door while he is taking a shower, meows at him as soon as he opens the door, and follows around until he sits on the couch. She stays on his chest for about 3-5 minutes - purring and drooling with a glazed expression on her face - then abruptly walks off.

Only J will do.

And she does not do this for me. She could care less when I get out of the shower. My duties are to fill her dish with kibble and open the damn window 20 times a day.

Around 9:30 pm or so she starts begging to be let out on the porch for the night. She begs because she gets 4 cat treats for going outside. And she knows if there aren't four. It's creepy.

And thus the cycle repeats the next day.

Right now? It's 4:15 pm and the cat is sitting on the couch beside me, purring, and staring at me.